OK, so Arthritis sucks....alot actually, anyone who tells you otherwise is lying. If you dont know me or havent figured out by that last sentence, i have been diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis and sometimes it really sucks. and lately yes it has gotten the better of me. I mean in my head not actually out in the open (to real people) because i made a promise to myself a long time ago i would not be know to everyone as "The Girl with RA". I saw those people who used diseases to make excuses as to why they could live life to the fullest and excuses as to why they didnt do things they wanted to clearly do. so i promised myself i would do what it took to stay motivated and to not use that as my main excuse. For the most part it has actually worked and I have people in all aspects of my life, church, school, friends, who all compliment me for always having a smile on my face even when they can clearly see im in pain and struggling. I will be honest this is not always the case, sometimes especially at home. I simply cant keep going and i need help to do things. I do my best to not get to those times but sometimes they just come and there is nothing i can do, I feel helpless and I have to rely on others to do simple tasks. As of lately that task has been putting on shoes, because my hip is the joint that has decided to flair up i cant put on socks and shoes easily so I had to ask my little sister to put it on for me. she always does it and is really sweet about it. she is 6 and I dont think she understands why I cant but she helps me all the same. I will admit that I dont normally ask for all the help i need because I feel like I should be able to do them and really wish I could do them so i muddle through whatever pain that entails to prove to myself I can be as independent as possible....Sometimes that works better then others but eventually it gets done and i can move on. And move on I do....
side note: I do love when people just ask to help me or insist on helping me even when i feel like i can do things. I have a new friend who does this constantly and because i dont ask for all the help i need, (which she knows) and because she wants to help it has helped build a friendship of caring, and service in which i am forever greatful.
I dont dwell on the things i cant do, but focus on the things i can and do my best at them. im glad the people around me can see how happy i really am in spite of the current situation i find myself in. i know it is but a small challenge and i truely believe that everything happens for a reason and this is one of those things. i do not understand why God has chosen to refine and polish me like this but i know i am greatful he has put so much trust in me to continue and endure. The biggest reason why i feel like i can get through all of this is the lord. i have faith that this will not be an eternal disease that i will carry and i know that one day i will be able to have my body back. I look at my disease like this....if i make excuses when i do have RA, and has physical limitation one day after i die, it will be ingrained in me to make excuses and to find another way to make excuses for myself to not participate. that is something i dont want. i want to be able to take full responsibility for my actions and be honest in what i want. I have found joy in doing that because im honest with myself and others, and suprising has eased the pain of the RA because i tell my body to suck it up and keep going...yes i talk to my body and my joints often.....i think if people were around me at all hours of the day they would be suprised with how much i really do talk to myself. i say things like...ok body keep going, i know you can do this, and ok one step at a time till your there. Little things like that really do help....maybe im a little crazy but dont knock it till you try it.
One thing i enjoy is people i dont know well saying oh i didnt realized you had arthritis, and i secretly love it when somebody i have told i have it forget and when im having a bout of pain come to me again and sincerely ask whats wrong...it means i have done my job in not being "That Girl with RA". I really, really sincerely hope i become that girl who smiles and faces challenges head on without excuses and can be honest through all of it. Because i want to be known as more then that. Arthritis doesnt define me it refines me. yes and ill say it again Arthritis doesnt define me it refines me. i thoroughly believe that is true and i am in a constant process of refinement. i know i am not perfect and i have a long way to go but i know through my faith and through my heavenly father i can get through anything. it is that faith that i believes gives me the strength to keep pushing and and enduring well.
i normally dont like to talk about my arthritis but for weeks i have been thinking that i needed to write a blog on this subject, i dont know if its just for myself or if it will inspire anyone but either way i needed to write the words that have been on my mind. i sincerely hope that anybody reading this realizes that no amount of pain or struggles are ever in vain. Strength doesnt come in a day it comes with CHOOSING every single day of your life to be happy to keep going even when it get tough. yes some days are hard to get out of bed ( I KNOW) but the constant process of simply willing yourself to get out there and go and choosing to have a positive attitude through it all will change your life and one day before you know it it becomes easy and just a part of who you are. "STRUGGLES DONT DEFINE YOU THEY REFINE YOU" keep going and push on life does it get easier and even if it doesnt......well it could be worse. (i tell myself that too). life is good and gods grace has blessed me with so much. i am grateful i have come to see the many blessing he has blessed me with, and the strength he has given me to press on and endure well.